Journey to baby #4

After our miscarriage in October 2018 we hoped I would get pregnant again soon. I got to join my husband for a few days in Ireland in December 2018 (he was there for work) and that trip was just what we needed to have quality time together and begin healing. For the next several months we hoped I would be pregnant but month after month I wasn't. I thought I would be pregnant before the due date of the baby we lost, but that day came and went. A couple weeks later I got to go on a trip on my own that helped a lot with my healing process. After I came back I still had my rough moments but going through a book I was given and finding others to relate to through social media helped a lot. Through those months I tried to rely on and trust in God and enjoy my two sons and be thankful for them. I'm sure it would have been a lot harder if I didn't already have them. I know God used those months to grow me and because of that I wouldn't change anything. I'm also thankful I can empathize with so many others in a way I couldn't before. One of my favorite songs is "Christ is Mine Forevermore" and there's a line that says "I know my pain will not be wasted, Christ completes His work in me". It still brings tears to my eyes because the pain I experienced in losing my baby is still fresh in my mind and heart but I know God has used it and is still using it to do good.

A new chapter started on July 15th 2019 when I finally got the positive pregnancy test I'd been hoping and praying for for at least seven months. I was amazed and overwhelmed and of course somewhat scared knowing what happened the last time I was pregnant. My husband was thrilled and after several weeks when we started telling some family and friends, including our boys, they were too. Seeing how happy others were for us made it even better. But knowing what it's like to see pregnancy announcements after a loss or when you want to be pregnant but aren't I didn't know if I wanted to share the news publicly (on social media) or just wait until the baby comes in March (God willing). I finally decided to share on Christmas day because it's obvious in the family photo we took and I hoped it would encourage and bless others to know things may not happen the way we hope but God has a way of doing things at just the right time. (Some blessings about His timing are: I've had my younger son as my "baby" for a longer time and he's been able to grow and develop and enjoy this time as the youngest; I could take the trip in May to visit my sister while she was living in another state; we've gotten a lot of work done on our house this year that may not have happened if we had a baby in the spring; I've enjoyed being mom to my two boys and able to do so much more with them as they've gotten older.)

I have still had doubts and fears about this baby, even a little now at 27 weeks, but I decided at the beginning I would be thankful for every day of this pregnancy and try to enjoy it. I know God will take care of me even if things don't go the way I want or expect. I'm just trying to thank Him every day for this new life and to rest in His arms because there's no better place to be. He's writing my story so I know it will ultimately be good, and it will bring him honor and glory. In the end that's all I can ask for and all that matters.